Tidbits of the Jeremnator

Little Things, Thoughts, and Tidbits.
I like to write poems, and i think i will post them here.

In Me

A poem for those of us in transition.

In Me there is hope. 
That your life means as much as you hope it does.
That the sacrifices you make and the life you live don’t become
The excess pages in a nameless book that no one reads.

In Me there is peace.
Even when everything in the world is shaking.
Even when you are disgusted by what you are not.
Even when parents disagree with your choices and voices in your head
Tell you that its not worth it to follow your Abba
Tell you that its not worth it to follow your Father
Tell you that everything in the world is better than the 
Riches of the kingdom that is immaterial and so much more fulfilling.
You will hear My voice and realize the truth.

That in me there is life and life abundantly.
So full will you be with my Spirit that you will become new.
So driven to spread my gospel that the world will see your 
New and glorious Spirit and rejoice that that the I AM is in you.
That your name is written in the Book of Life and the heavenly hosts will
Dance with you at the end of days and you will hear 
"Good and faithful servant" and rejoice with the Son of Man 
As a faithful bride rejoices with her beloved.

In Me is Love. I am Love.
And I am enough.
Your life means as much as you hope it does.

I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you. (And so am I distant)
I love you.
I love you.
I love you. (And so am I near)

Now go and love.

Even If

"Even if healing doesn’t come.
And life falls apart.
And dreams are still undone.
You are God and You are good.”

I have believed for a long time that I have an issue with experiencing. emotions. I haven’t cried in years and even when it’s socially acceptable to cry and shed tears I just can’t.

I suppose I never found a reason to.

But this past weekend when I went home, I was stunned to learn that my a-ma (grandmother in taiwanese) has many cancerous tumors in her abdomen. I didn’t really know how to react. She was the one who reared me through most of my infancy and was always a constant through my young life. I cannot describe how much her constant encouragements meant to me.

The last time I saw her, (before I went back to school), she kept on joyfully reminding the relatives that I promised to drive her around to go shopping (one of her favorite pastimes). To see her now, one who used to wake up at 6am everyday to tend her very well-stocked garden, unable to really walk or sit for extended periods of time is … 

Yeah.

I may never be able to keep good on my promise. It really feels like I failed. To fail so utterly. It reminded me of how much I neglect to be relational and it tears me up inside.

I can’t really sleep.

God is still good through all this. Even if the healing doesn’t come. He is good. Even when dreams are still undone. My faith is unshaken. I dearly wish, though, that I may take my a-ma shopping one day. I really hope that she understands the Cross. Then even if shopping in this life is not meant to be, I hope that we may walk together and shop together in paradise. 

I am the thorn in Your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas’ kiss
But You love me anyway

See now, I am the man who yelled out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then, I turned away with this smile on my face
With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night, I still called out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

But You love me anyway

Sidewalk Prophets (You Love Me Anyway)

Nerdy awkward engineer guys need small sociable girls.
(Reference to Derek and Andy Lau)

Kirstie P. Lee

michellefaithlee:

You are beautiful
No matter what they say
Words can’t bring you down

But they can.
And they have.

See I’m a little too short
To shoot a ball from half court
And I look a little too different to ever believe it when you call me
BEAUTIFUL
And I wish I was a little bit taller,
Maybe wish I were a baller,
But if there’s one thing I definitely wish I was,
I wish I was
BEAUTIFUL

My shoulders are lop sided
I got acne on my skin
And I hardly ever win
Unless of course it’s chess
But even then I’m not the best
I’ve got hair and zits on my chest
I’m a dude, but it looks like I’ve got breasts
I’m not blind buddy,
So don’t lie and tell me that I’m
BEAUTIFUL

See we got these things in our rooms called a mirror,
It was designed so you could see you clearer
But the father of lies plays tricks with your eyes
Whispering in your ear all about how you’re
Too big
Too small
Too short
Too tall
How your legs are too long
And your arms aren’t too strong
Your hips go too wide
And you got too much fat on the side
All just to lie to you
Trying to get you to think that you’re not
BEAUTIFUL

And if you think you are,
He thinks that’s fine
Just as long as he can tell you that that’s pride
So whatever light you hold inside
He’ll do everything he can to put it out
By making you think it’s earning you hell for you to even think that maybe you could be
BEAUTIFUL

You are beautiful,
No matter what they say
Words can’t bring you down

But they do.
Because as soon as he gets you to agree,
He gets you to believe that you’ll never be free
So the only way out is to sit and starve yourself and pout
And let the tears pour out
Or even h-h-hurl your stomach into the toilet
And you look in the mirror and ask,
Now do I look,
BEAUTIFUL?

Or you walk in wanting to be the life of the party
So you drop a couple shots
Pick up a forty,
A little while later you start feeling pretty sporty
But the room starts to wobble
And you can’t walk so you hobble
And everybody snickers at what a fool you are
And you raise your red solo cup to the sky and ask
Now do I act
BEAUTIFUL

Boy, I know that all you ever wanted to do was be a man
And lately you’ve been asking if you’re worthy
And the devil doesn’t want you to know how powerful you are so he lies and tells you’ll never have anything worthwhile
So you start clicking and scrolling
Then you’re eyes start rolling
And the moment after he’s convinced you to sell your soul to a computer screen
The devil hits you with his shame game and tells you you’re disgusting
You’ll never be worthy of anything
BEAUTIFUL

Little girl, I know you always wanted to be a princess
And all you thought you needed was a prince to call you precious
So you think you have to dress so everything can be seen
Gotta let the boys look at you like they look at a dirty magazine
Let them get a little further than you want to go
And when they get bored and drop you, you still want to know
Do you love me now
Do you think I’m
BEAUTIFUL?

Does anybody think I’m
BEAUTIFUL?

I do.
I do proclaims the voice that spoke the skies
And He says let me dry your eyes
I have heard your cries,
I only wish you had heard mine.
Galaxies and shooting stars
I set spinning so you would know the beating of my heart
I painted rainbows and roses so that you would know that you are a work of art.
I gave you strong winds and rushing rivers,
So would know you are my strong Sons of Thunder
I gave you the sunrise and moonlight
To let you know how precious you are in My sight.
I sent my Son to live and die and rise for you
So that you would know
I love you
And I think you are
BEAUTIFUL

You see, when I spoke your name,
I had glory on my lips,
So from the center of your soul to your fingertips
Every inch of you is laced with glory
Made to show meMade so the world would know me
So let me break off the chains of this false humility
Contrary to certain popular believes,
Saying that you’re nothing does not honor me.
So baby it’s time to stop running from this reality,
That you look just like your Daddy,
Baby you’re heavenly.
Baby you’re wonderfully
Fearfully
Beautifully made
In the image and likeness of beauty and light
Of grace and might
Of wisdom and creativity that made stars bright
Put sunrises at the end of the night
And made the entire universe spin just right.
Humility isn’t thinking less of you,
It’s thinking of you less.
So know that you’re blessed
And know that you can rest in my arms
Knowing who and whose you are.
You are my masterpiece,
My baby.
And baby, I’m proud of the fact that I made you.
And I’ve never made anything quite so
BEAUTIFUL.

He sings “You are beautiful,
Because of what I say
Don’t let words ever bring you down”

His Son’s scars was the call
And this is His children’s response
With hands in the air
With voices together that drown out the enemies lies

I am
BEAUTIFUL
I am
BEAUTIFUL
I am
Royalty,
Heir of the King
No longer striving or starving
My life’s not a hard thing, anymore.

I am
BEAUTIFUL
I am
BEAUTIFUL
I am
Washed in the blood of the lamb
Washed away the soot and sin so you and I can
Clearly see that

I am
BEAUTIFUL
I am
BEAUTIFUL
I am
A new creation
A new sensation
I am a floodgate of heaven,
Made to reveal heart of God to the heart of Man
Showing brothers and sisters what they are so they can
Join in our war cry shouting

I am
BEAUTIFUL
I am
BEAUTIFUL
I am
Yours, Lord.

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.

James d. miles

Appreciation not Love?

Truly I say to you…

If all you want is to be “loved”.
If thinking of her doesn’t make you want to be foolish
If you can only describe qualities not the beauty of her entirety.
Perhaps its just Appreciation.

If all you want to do is make sure she is safe and happy.
If in explaining what so amazing about her you can only spew vague superlatives.
If talking to her, the very action itself, is the best thing that happened to you all week.
Perhaps its Love.

Who to deceive but yourself when you settle?
Jumping the gun, straight into the mettle.
Scratching the doorpost of meaning and acceptance.
You forget what God intended.

Where is the line? How can I find out what I am truly feeling tonight?
Is it just appreciation? Or is it love?
Am i head-over-heels? Or just searching for a crutch?
To tithe me over to the next vague hope.
The next set of beautiful legs. Or voice. Or maturity. Or lovely notes?

Father remind me what it is like to truly truly love.
Even then, let You still be enough.

Unholy Marriage of Technology?

Unfortunate Berkeley Fact #1

You never see the Reverse Perimeter when you need it.

Such is life.

Poems from Breakaway Retreat

Worship

I plug in. Feedback rings.
This is MY TIME to shine, My turn to sing.
For everyone to receive. From me.

The strings screech. Vocal chords reverberate.
Keys plink. The drummer sets the pace.

I sing songs that now have no meaning.
The leader has become the performer.
The singer, a pagan muse.
Adoration of creation rather than adoring the Lord of Nations.

Set ends. Please sit down. 
Step off the stage back to the ground.
Pats on the back, whisper of encouragement are what I crave.
Not the knowledge that Jesus saves.
Lights turn off. Another Large Group done. 
Battle Lost. Satan has won.

Worshipping hard transformed into hardly worshipping.

Realization. Desperation. Sanctification. Tears.
Give me another change Lord, “I am here”.
Teach me to wholly worship.
Holy worship. 

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